Oh! Sweet Tater’s Second Guest Post!

 

You have no idea how hard this was

 

That’s what she said.

Well, it seems as though the people have spoken, and apparently the people want bad grammar, worse jokes, lots of alcohol and sad attempts at making dinner, all through the filter of half an English degree and a few dozen beers.

It must be Tuesday! I’ve been out of town a lot the past few weeks and I haven’t been able to fail any dinners while Katie’s studying late, so here’s a new attempt: Scarpetta‘s Tomato and Basil Spaghetti. Simple enough, right? Now, I don’t know about you guys, but every time I see Scott Conant’s smug face on TV, I want to punch his little half-beard right into his saucepan, however, we’ve seen at least three specials on his stupid Tomato and Basil Spaghetti that’s supposed to be incredible. Every time we see it, Katie drools all over the couch, so I figure it’s about time to gave it a shot.

 

Hahahahaha. No jokes necessary.

 

The idea for this came to me during my lunch break, where I turned on the TV and some Food Network special that featured this righteous d-bag’s pasta recipe was on. What good fortune! Thanks to modern technology, I recorded that shit and rewound it about 1,000 times while cooking. I’ve never felt more like a middle-aged woman in my life. Except that time I used Photo Booth to take a picture of myself holding two cats…

I remembered to take a picture of THE GOODS this time, so no wampy kitten pictures for you . 😦

 

THE MF GOODS

 

This turned out to be slightly more complicated FUN!! than I had anticipated, but Katie won’t tell me if it tastes terrible because it’s totally the thought that counts, right? Right.

SO:

Core and peel tomatoes (I used canned San Marzano because it is absolutely not tomato season anymore). Remove seeds and reserve liquid for later. Add tomatoes to a pot with two tablespoons-ish of hot EVOO extra-virgin olive oil. Add pinch o’ salt and pinch o’ chili flakes. Cook until soft (a few minutes) and… mash with a potato masher? … okay! If you need reserved liquid, add it… NOW! Cook the tomatoes for 30-45 minutes, stirring or mashing every few minutes.

 

You know what would be easier? Ketchup.

 

FUEL:

 

THE MF BETTERS

 

That Theo Coconut Curry bar is THE best chocolate bar I’ve ever had.

BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE. We’re about to infuse the shit out of some olive oil! In a small saucepan (we don’t have one… so I improvised… poorly), add 1/4 cup-ish of olive oil, SIX?? garlic cloves, two stems of basil and a pinch of chili flakes. Leave on low/medium until the garlic starts to brown. Let cool, strain, and add to tomatoes.

 

Ahlive Oal!

 

Cook the pasta in heavily salted water until it’s “just shy of al dente”, possibly the least manly phrase of all time. Add the sauce to a sauté pan and allow to reduce slightly. Add pasta with some pasta water and shake it around until it’s cohesive or something. I’m really sick of rewinding so I’m just going to guess from here on out. Add some chopped basil, grated parmigiano reggiano (Earth Fail didn’t have this so I used whatever hard cheese didn’t have any RENNET GROSS GROSS GROSS) and butter (which I totally forgot to get but probably wouldn’t have used anyway for fear of getting in tater-trouble [Not really. I ended up using Erf Balance instead]).

PHEW.

 

The love you take is equal to the love you make.

 

You’ll notice my pasta is BLACK (something about which Scott Conant would surely turn up his waspy nose) because I used a gluten-free black bean pasta that we’ve been wanting to try for a while. It’s pretty much awesome.

I also made this cute spinach salad with basil, yellow pepper, celery, carrot and apple. The dressing is olive oil, meyer lemon, garlic and apple cider vinegar. I had a huge debate with myself on whether or not to try sardines with this salad (for myself), as I had a good 15-minute-long conversation with Kath and Matt last night, where they convinced me that these little fish are God’s gift to man… maybe one day.

 

Sardineless

 

That was a lot of words. Sorry/thank you to those who made it this far… both of you.

I’ve noticed that a lot of you ladies (is it possible to say “ladies” and not sound really creepy?) post your running playlists, so here’s this evening’s sweet, mostly awful cooking mix.

 

Embarrassing

 

Please never listen to any of that. You’ll hate me forever.

I’ve also been following the great Marie Claire debacle quite closely (I work from home, don’t judge) and thought I’d give my two cents:

 

Pleh.

 

Did you really think I’d let you escape without a wampy kitten picture?

P.S. I experienced my second or third blogger meetup last night. Let me confirm your suspicions: all the people you read about and have met few or zero times are as awesome as they seem.

P.S.2. Caitlin and Kristien, I’m totally holding you to that milkshake date.

P.S.4. One of you people is undoubtedly acquaintances with or related to Scott Conant, so I apologize for my/his douchebaggery.